You may want to skip this post if you aren't fascinated by the nutritive function of breasts. But breasts are pretty much all I think/talk about these days, so it seemed necessary to fill y'all in.
On Monday, the three of us went to go see Freda, a Lactation Consultant. We had been looking forward to meeting her for awhile - in fact we'd had an appointment a week earlier that we had had to cancel because of Jacob's second hospital stay. After two weeks of struggling with breastfeeding, battling Jacob at every feeding, and living with constant pumping and bottle-feeding, I felt like nothing short of a miracle would set us back on track.
I've been looking forward to breastfeeding, and committed to making it work, since I got pregnant. I read books, I took classes, I talked to other breastfeeding moms. But nothing prepared me for the challenges we faced with when Jacob showed up with medical issues that required constant bottle supplements. Once a newborn goes to a bottle, getting him off is its own special challenge. And Jacob was so sleepy and disoriented for the first couple weeks that it would take us up to an hour at every feeding just to get him awake enough to try breastfeeding, but by the time he was awake we were all so tired we struggled to figure out how the whole thing was supposed to go. I met with lactation specialists at the hospital, and talked to many nurses, but all they offered was general advice that didn't seem to help us make any progress. Once or twice a day he would have a great feeding that would give me hope that we were turning a corner, but then the next three would be near-failures. There was a point last week when Zach and I seriously faced the possibility that he may never be able to exclusively breastfeed, which is a hard thing to deal with when the general consensus of the breastfeeding community is "If it isn't working, you aren't trying hard enough."
So when we met Freda, I didn't know what she could possible do other than wave a magic wand. We had tried everything. When we walked in, I had prepared the whole blow-by-blow story for her to fill her in, but it was completely unnecessary. I got as far as "I was induced..." and she said "Oh, I know exactly what is wrong. How long was he in the NICU?" Then she felt his mouth and let him suck on her finger for 10 seconds and said "Yup - here is what we are going to do" and within five minutes he was happily sucking away on my breast and hasn't stopped since! She gave us a series of exercises to do with him at ever feeding and a schedule of down-to-the-minute feeding rituals. Monday he started waking to feed on his own, using a nipple shield. Tuesday we got rid of the shield. Wednesday we went down to only supplementing every other feeding, and today we have not had a bottle since 8:30 this morning! He's still very sleepy at some feedings, but now they are the exception instead of the rule, and we are finally discovering how feeding can be a restful and enjoyable process, instead of a stress-filled battle. I am amazed at how quickly my whole experience of parenting is shifting. I don't know what we would have done if we hadn't found Freda - I'm not sure we would have made it. We are so fortunate to have the resources here that we do.
Tomorrow I'm going to get Jacob weighed again to make sure that he's still gaining without the supplements. Even if he has slowed his growth a little, I'm sure that it will only be a slight adjustment to our current schedule to get him back on track. I cannot believe that such a huge change has occurred in such a short time. If I ever hear anyone again say "If you can't breastfeed, you aren't trying hard enough," I will give them a peice of my mind. There are so many challenges that even the most dedicated mothers can face, and it takes so much more support and effort than I ever could have imagined. I feel truly blessed that it seems we are coming out of this with a healthy, breastfed baby, because it just as easily could have gone the other way, not from our lack of effort, but because 90% of the resources out there weren't able to help us with the specific problems we faced.
Thank you, Freda!! The legend of your miracles will go down in Team Jost mythology for generations to come!
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